InterVarsity Press

Our Current Conversation

Eric:

I have been deeply involved in church for most of my life, but over the past few years I have become very unsure of anything. I have read a great deal of history and anthropology and have found so many different societies and cultures have developed religions that claim to be the One. I have found early religions that seem to presage the stories of the Bible, often telling the same stories in different settings or earlier times. It makes me wonder if the Bible is simply carrying on the oral tradition that other, earlier societies had developed. I have tried to discuss my doubts with pastors and with priests and have generally been told to just accept God's Word. "Take it on faith." When I try to get my head around prayer, I run into too many questions—why have prayer circles, with many people praying for the same thing, when God is supposed to hear even the lowliest of us in our silent prayer? Does God hear a loud chorus more clearly? I wonder if creating a God is just a way to give us something bigger than ourselves to lean on, to ask for help, to rely on.

I felt safer when I just didn't allow my questions to come to the surface, but I have had so many uncertainties that they just won't go away.

I have read all of the Scriptures and know many of them by heart, but it seems like a sham - at least my belief in them now does.

I wish I could just "believe," but it isn't there for me. How do I stop wondering if God is really there?

In addition to all of this, I have lost a daughter, who was so young and innocent and who clearly did nothing to deserve to die. My little sister was born with a serious developmental disability. My mom died very young of a brain tumour. Saying God works in mysterious ways or that He has a plan for us or that they are in His hands is not an answer. At least it seems like a glossing over to try to make me stop asking. What do I do to find my faith, again? I am aching for answers.

Ruth:

If I could answer even one of your questions to your satisfaction I would feel at least partially fulfilled. But your questions simply don't have easy answers that go to the heart of your pain and unbelief. I am very sorry about the loss of you little daughter; there is nothing more anguishing than the death of a child. And you've been hit particularly hard with your sister's situation and the loss of your mother as well.

I have experienced all the questions and doubts and unbelief that you identify. I deal with them in a number of ways, including humor where possible. I actually enjoy interacting with ones I call "edgy" Christians who toss around the very issues you present. I've come to accept an awful lot of unanswered questions in life and actually revel in the issues more than become upset by them. When I can't "pray" I sing my prayers—which is really the best way to pray anyway. As to other religions having their similar or "better" beliefs and traditions. Yes. But I always come back to the fact that I'm a Christian. That's my tradition. That's my story and I'm stickin to it.

I am very fortunate in that I have a husband who also loves to discuss and dig into the questions that we are never allowed to ask among good Christians. And he loves to laugh about them as well. That helps so much. If you could find just one friend who shares your frustrations and anxieties that would be a start on the road to recovery—recovery from being a Christian whose supposed to have all the answers.

I hope this offers you something that is more positive than negative.